I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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