her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
