Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
