dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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