you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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