the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
