I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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