Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
