Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
