I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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