david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
