I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
