my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
