I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it was like eating out sand paper
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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