After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
