Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize