and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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