What a fucking waste of an outfit
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
