SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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