i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
