Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
