Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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