therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
