and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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