You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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