i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
