Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
