u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
