I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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