Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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