I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
