some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
