I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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