We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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