Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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