What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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