We're like a lot better than the average bears
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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