But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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