I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
