weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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