I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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