Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
