sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
