So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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