Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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