Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
