it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Come see our sink grown plant.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
