Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
