She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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