bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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