she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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