Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
