people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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