Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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