I didn't shave. On purpose
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
