He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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