I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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