im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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