I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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