she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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