I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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