They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
