just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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