everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
