i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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