I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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