I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
