about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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