if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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