He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
