if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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