Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You ruined the universe
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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