you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
