wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
