I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
