I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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