Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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