So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
