She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
