I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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