why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
