obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize