Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
