I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
