i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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