Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
