I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just forgot I was standing up.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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